1 "I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red.” ~ Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.
2 "When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes." ~ Dylan Thomas
3 "When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old." ~ Mark Twain
4 “The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” ~ Jeff Foxworthy
5 “I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him.” ~ Jarod Kintz, I want to apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.
6 "You shouldn't chase after the past or place expectations on the future. What is past is left behind. The future is as yet unreached. Whatever quality is present you clearly see right there." ~ Buddha
7 “In all institutions from which the cold wind of open criticism is excluded, an innocent corruption begins to grow like a mushroom - for example, in senates and learned societies” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
8 “Nothing is more dishonorable than an old man, heavy with years, who has no other evidence of his having lived long except his age." ~ Seneca (Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD)
9 "Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happen to a man." ~ Leon Trotsky (Lev Davidovich Bronstein), Diary in Exile, 1935
10 “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” ~ Albert Einstein
11 "There are three signs of senility. The first sign is that a man forgets his theorems. The second sign is that he forgets to zip up. The third sign is that he forgets to zip down." ~ Paul Erdos
12 “The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
13 “I feel like a deflated tire on a lonely unicycle. So this is love, huh?
” ~ Jarod Kintz, Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.
14 “Countries keep on building higher and higher buildings, instead of building higher and higher men!” ~ Mehmet Murat ildan
15 “The waterwheel accepts water and turns and gives it away, weeping.” ~ Rumi
16 “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ~ Dr. Seuss
17 “When you become a teenager, you step onto a bridge. You may already be on it. The opposite shore is adulthood. Childhood lies behind. The bridge is made of wood. As you cross, it burns behind you” ~ Gail Carson Levine, Writing Magic: Creating Stories that Fly
18 “Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.” ~ Chuck Norris
19 "I have always looked upon decay as being just as wonderful and rich an expression of life as growth." ~ Henry Miller
20 "When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes." ~ Dylan Thomas
21 "To me, growing old is great. It's the very best thing - considering the alternative." ~ Michael Caine
22 Addiction should never be treated as a crime. It has to be treated as a health problem. We do not send alcoholics to jail in this country. Over 500,000 people are in our jails who are nonviolent drug users." ~ Ralph Nader
23 “Was it you or I who stumbled first? It does not matter. The one of us who finds the strength to get up first, must help the other.” ― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration